I’ll be the first to tell you that I hate my hair in general. No, I am not lucky that I have curly hair. Until you have to deal with it, it’s not luck, it’s a nuisance and you often wonder why the hell you just don’t shave it all off.

I honestly think my husband is the only reason I haven’t because he likes my curly hair, to which I often point out that he does not have to deal with it.

Today, not only was the curliness a pain in my ass so was the natural color which is black. I have dyed it before but it never comes out the right color and often comes out darker than I intend because my hair does not like to be changed. It is resistant to pretty much everything and I pray that should we have kids I don’t pass on this undesirable, treacherous trait.

Anyway, we went into a salon today, after nearly 2 years to get my hair cut and highlighted. I finally found a hair stylist I trust and gets the pains of curly hair so I will ONLY see her. Leave it to me to pick a hair stylist that happens to work in a more conservative hair salon. This bit me in the ass today; hard.

The intent was to get some purple streaks in my hair; similar to:

Obviously, I knew that the purple would not show that well because again, my hair, it hates me but I figured we might be able to do something. WRONG. Oh so wrong.

Turns out they didn’t really have a light enough purple so we were forced to make due. If I was smart I would have requested that she lighten my entire hair prior to highlighting it but I have NEVER had my hair bleached and I wasn’t about to chance it so she only bleached sections of it.

I love the cut; though I wish it was shorter and it turned out fairly well but I am now certain that the next time we go in, I will ask her to lighten my hair entirely before we forego a round of highlights.

Have I mentioned how much I hate my hair?

So here I am once again, starting over. If I’m honest, I am proud of myself. Contrary to the person I was, I was able to stick with a domain name for 2 years. That’s something folks. I tend to get bored fairly easily and end up with a new domain about as often as I change my underwear and yet here I am two years later, recognizing that while TheQueenB.net still symbolizes a big portion of my personality, it was never truly me.

What do I mean by that? I’m honestly not quite sure. I could lie and make up some grandiose story but what’s the point? Why bother? Let’s make a deal, okay? I promise not to lie to you, if you promise never to lie to me. I guess in some ways that sums up with this new blog is about and what this new journey I’m on will entail.

“Elaborate.” you say?

Fine.

I am not saying that I am a liar or that what I posted on TheQueenB.net¹ was a lie, rather more of a shield. Something that often masked my reality. The depression, the pain, the anger, and the outright frustration. Things I chose not to voice because honestly, who wants to read a Debbie downer’s blog? And yet more importantly, who wants people to pity them? Certainly not me, so I blogged more out of obligation than necessity. More out of establishing a following than therapy and I lost myself because of it.

I sort of have a love hate relationship with new beginnings.

I love them because they allow you to start anew, reboot, and refresh.

I hate them because they have this implied obligation that the individual is going to blog or talk about some prophetic journey that will lead them to become a better person and discover all that they had lost.

I’m sorry to disappoint but you won’t get that here.

What you will get however, is someone who’s tired of hiding behind a facade of happiness and sunshine. That’s not who I am, not who I was, nor someone I will ever be. What you’ll get is the real, uncensored, uncut, version of my life².

So let’s shake on it okay?

I won’t lie to you, if you don’t lie to me.